A while ago.. a long while… ago I wrote a story about singing again.I haven’t sung since my girls father died. I find no joy in it any longer. I went on that emotional journey of finding my voice again. Trying to inspire myself… and I still don’t sing. Life sort of affects you that way sometimes; one minute you are sailing along beautifully thinking what could be more perfect and then boom… the wind gets knocked out of those sails and you are stuck in the ocean.
Lately I cant write. It isn’t in me, the words don’t come even when the ideas do. I sit and stare at a blank page and bring myself to tears over it. The wind has yet again been knocked out of my sails. This time though… its more than just loss that has me by the throat. To tell you the truth I’m not really sure what it is.. I just know I cant right now. I feel lost in this world of pages and ideas that used to inspire me. Now they just make me angry, then I look at things around me and that makes me more angry. I used to understand life, I used to be able to breath and step back from situations and see what was going on life made me a better writer… now it feels like its killing my dreams (a little Les Miserables yes I know) Not really sure what the point of this is except maybe to wake myself up to the idea I need to change something… fast, before it is too far gone.