I’m not okay.

Today … has just not been my day.

So mixed with the emotions of what today is, the emotions surfacing from the third book, and the stress at home… I can in all seriousness say, I’m not okay.

I watched through the memorials this morning, and watched the footage from eleven years ago. I went into work , finished the article I was working on then came home. The entire time I just felt off and wrong !

I think I have said before that I based Hayden ( my lead female character) on myself, on who I was. But I began to realize it was more than that. I have pulled stories from my past and used them in the book. I will not tell you what they are, but there are things that happened to Hayden that have really happened to me. The only difference was there was never a Jordan to save me. I never had a knight in shining armor that even attempted to save me.

There is an old saying…. you cannot judge me until you have walked in my shoes. You don’t know what I have lived through and I seriously doubt you could make it through the things I have and still walk on the way I do !   When you see me smile, understand… I have earned every smile I get !

 

Yeah before you go off…. people have lived through worse, have suffered more, and have lost more in their lives. I have no doubt of that. But I have never been one for comparing scars. We all have our trials, and they affect us all in different ways. Mine ( though some still seem to be trying to kill me) have only pushed me to be stronger.

 

Maybe some day I will let it slip which of Hayden’s trials I have personally lived through. Maybe if you ask nice I will tell you. Or maybe someday the books will become enough so Oprah will ask and then I will tell the world !!!

Till then, keep guessing my friends !

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